Serious about Supper

If time allows, I truly love making a good meal from scratch.  For me there is something about taking raw ingredients, mixing them together, applying a little heat, rearranging it in to an aesthetic artwork, and then devouring it in about a tenth of the time it took to make it.

I've always been fascinated by the idea of eating as a social concept.  I'm not sure of any other species out there (please correct me if I'm wrong,) that prepares it's food as we do, sits down together as we do, and enjoys it as we do.  In it's simplest form, eating is something we must do to sustain our selves.  And although not everyone can, we have the great fortune of taking that necessity and transforming it into an indulgence and an experience to bond over.

More than just tasting something wonderful on the palette together as a group, eating together also plays a very important part in our social togetherness.  In a hectic home, it is a time each day where we can all be together for one brief shining moment.  And more than that, due to the endorphin-releasing nature of good food, it is much like having a couple alcoholic drinks and allows us to open up and really talk to each other. With a world that is increasingly staring at screens and (dis)connecting electronically, it forces us to actually look at one another and use the aging method of speech to communicate. I, myself, am far too guilty of having a conversation with my wife while staring at a screen.  (What was it that she asked me to do today? . . . Oh well.)


Yep. A good, nutritional, and nourishing meal can take time to make.  As a parent, time is something we obviously have little of.  I'm sure as my boys grow I may raise the white flag and opt for the grilled cheese and juice box more than I should.  However, I hope to never revert to the basic necessity of eating to satiate my hunger and forgo the invaluable benefits of sitting down for 30 minutes each evening to enjoy a good meal and good conversation. I already know as my family grows and ages that I hope to keep family meals a priority.

As of now our boys aren't quite into the full fledged entrees that I make.  Jack is adamant about continuing his breast milk fast for the next few months, and although Bucky is getting used to some mixed foods, he's all about eating raw fruits and veggies for supper.  However, (and again I'm often guilty of the opposite,) taking the time to connect after work with my spouse is and should be a priority. Supper is the perfect venue for this.  Bucky eats with us, but usually finishes very quickly.  Once he's done, we've begun telling him that he must play by himself and we won't be able to help until Mom and Dad are both done eating.  If we use this time properly, it is a great benefit to not only mine and Christy's relationship but in turn our relationships with our kids.

Of course, this topic is much more expansive than what is here and hopefully in the future I'll be able to expand and be much more articulate on this passion of mine.  But for now, simply put . . .

Eat Together. Eat Real Food. Eat at the Table. Eat Together.
(Yes, I did write "Eat Together" twice. It's that important.)





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Stay-at-Home Dad, stay at home dad, SAHD

Potty Prizes and Quiet Time Surprises

On and off for the past 4 months we've been trying to potty train Bucky. We had some great initial success with the number two's, but the realist side of me said this was too easy. It turns out, that 2 months into it Bucky could care less whether he used the potty or his diaper. He wasn't opposed to the toilet, but rather indifferent. Pretty normal shenanigans (so I'm told.)

Thus far we've enticed him with a solid portion of chocolate chips, which has lost its initial luster but still holds some value for when he craves them. I then turned to logic and reasoning as Bucky actually has an unnatural amount of each thinking that this would work. "Only babies poop in their diapers. Big boy's poop in the potty." And blatant repetition, "Poop in the potty. Not in the diaper." - x1000. After a month of the logic and reasoning, Bucky could recite ever rule and every reward to using the bathroom. Still his preferred bowel movement sanctuary remained his diaper.

Finally, after discovering his natural #2 rhythm (just after Sesame Street, and during his quiet time), I would hound him relentlessly during the closing credits and just before QT. "Do you want to use the potty?" "No" "Do you have to poop?" "No" "Okay, if you have to go potty let me know/ask for help/come out of your room." "Okay." "Where do you poop?" "In the potty!" "Where do you not poop?" "In my diaper!" Checking on his quiet time 10 minutes later, if often reminded me of what it must have been like walking in to Lazarus's tomb.

There is a part of his mind set that I can't argue with. The idea of being able to relieve yourself wherever and whenever you want does have its allure. However, wiping only one butt instead of two was much more important to me. I needed to come up with something new. Something visual. Some form of bribery.

Potty Prizes:

This program is still in its infancy, but I'm already seeing hopeful results. I went off to FedEx Office with 6 images of things Buckeye loves. In no particular order: Bubbles, Fungooms, Chocolate Chips, Diego et al., Chocolate Milk, and Popsicles. I printed them out in 3x4 color and stuck them with velcro to the opposite wall of the toilet. Each time he deposits a gift or stays there for 8 minutes he's able to collect a potty prize. (After washing his hands) he tears one off with only the joy that a toddler can have over chocolate chips and races to wherever the prize may be. He then cashes in his token and then has 5 more chances through the day. However, if by chance he does fill his diaper, dear PaPa gets to take one away.

We really don't want to get angry or upset with him if he continues to use his diaper as his first choice and don't want anything to seem like a punishment when it comes to potty training. So part of the reason I came up with this idea is that it reminds me of the phrase I always here about driving and driver's licenses. It's a privilege not a right. These prizes are privileges not rights and therefore when one is taken away it shouldn't feel like a punishment. The catch comes that I may not see it as one, but what if Bucky does? I know I said that he's got a high sense of reasoning, but even I struggle with right and privilege. Luckily, he's had a few taken away now and no melt downs. I think we'll be alright.

So three days in and 7 deposits at the potty and 2 in the diaper. So far so good. I'll let you know.

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Quiet time for Bucky happens everyday at 1. Just after lunch. He can choose whether he would like to nap or not. If he does it means some quiet time for Daddy. If he doesn't it means an earlier bed time. We set the timer for 30 minutes and when it goes off some times he is asleep and others he runs out and screams "Timer goes off!"

Usually if he chooses not to sleep he's very good about staying in his bed and reading the books or playing with the couple toys we let him have during that time. Today was much different.

Today, by luck, I had Jack asleep for one of his cat naps and Bucky in for quiet time at the same time. I'm slightly addicted to low tech internet games and decided to sneak a few minutes in. From where I sit at the computer I have a clear shot down the hall to Bucky's door. About 20 minutes in, (10 minutes before the timer is set to go off,) I see blonde flash of light out of the corner of my eye. It is Bucky's head sticking out of his door watching me, waiting for me to notice. He's been a sweet boy all day and I invite him to come sit with me.

My fault here is that I failed to go see what Bucky had been up to during his quiet time. I asked him the obligatory, "Did you poop in your diaper?", but that answer came up negative with a visual check. For this is the reason he usually interrupts his quiet time. I pass it off as he is just not tired.

30 minutes later when I am very proud of him for initiating the Potty Prize plan on his own, I head to his bedroom to grab a new diaper. I enter his room and again I capture a flash of white out of the corner of my eye when not expected. This is the sight I received:

Not only had he taken out all the new diapers of the box I had just opened, but he had also transferred and emptied the used diapers to his bed. (Speaking of Lazarus's tomb.)

How could I be mad? To his credit he did it very quietly.


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Stay-at-Home Dad, stay at home dad, SAHD

Timing

Jack (2 months) and I go back and forth most of the day. I find that having impeccable timing is crucial when it comes to having his bottle ready. If that bottle isn't ready within the given window of about 20 seconds, I know we are going to have at it. Accomplishing this is no small feat, as I am still getting the hang of the exact time it takes to heat up a bottle and how to achieve the one degree temperature variance that Jack allows me.

A lot goes into this equation. More than the commoner would think. Is the milk frozen? Is it thawed? Has it just been pumped and night quite cool yet? What kind of bottle is it in? How much milk is there? How long should I heat the water? How much water should I heat? How much should I give him?

He would also claim he gives me fair warning when he's about ready to eat by, if he is sleeping, tilting his head 5 degrees to the right (his right or my right always confuses me) and if he is awake, a half second vocal release that is not an A or B but a B flat. Get that wrong and I've wasted a bottle.

In my week and a half at home I've been hit or miss. Have that bottle ready, and the day is a dream. Miss it by a moment and I'm under Master Jack's foot for the rest of the day.



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Stay-at-Home Dad, stay at home dad, SAHD

At Home

When our first child, Bucky, was born in January of '09 it was me who was out in the working world and my wife who graciously stayed home. When we saw the wonderful benefits of what running our own business could be we jumped at the opportunity and tried our hand at publishing classic books. Cricket House Books. We could make our own schedules, work from anywhere, and most important to us, we could each be with Bucky every other day.

Things were absolutely wonderful. We were making enough money to get by and the amount of time each of us were able to spend with our son was obviously invaluable. After 9 months of this utopia, our book sales were single handedly wiped out by a change in Amazon's algorithm. Needless to say it was a very difficult decision that we had to make for one of us to go find a job elsewhere.

It had always been a discussed option that I would be willing to stay at home with the kids if need be, and Christy having felt a little cooped up when she was home alone with Bucky decided to put this option in to effect. So as of October of last year I joined the ever growing profession of "Stay-at-Home Dad." In 2003 the number of stay at home dads was 98,000. In 2010 that number was 158,000. At Home Dads. Of course this number pales in comparison to the 5.6m women who stay at home, but it is apparent that the number of men choosing to stay at home is receiving exponential growth.

My wife has now been employed elsewhere for 10 months (with the exception of having 2 months off to welcome our second child, Jack), and I have been home during that time loving it up. I am no super human and I definitely have my points of severe frustration, but what an absolute blessing that I am able to spend each and every day playing and laughing, creating and inventing, imagining and dreaming, and loving and teaching.

With this blog I hope to share these experiences and wonders that only can be found between a parent and a child. What we eat and what we play, and what makes us laugh and what makes us cry.

Thanks for reading.


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Stay-at-Home Dad, stay at home dad, SAHD