Things started out just fine on our four-hour car ride home. After we stopped for gas, Bucky was fast asleep within a few miles. Even Jack, who we've found does not like to sleep in the car, was quiet and calm having just been fed with the strategically placed nursing session. I even managed to find a decent route out of the Northwoods without getting lost. We made it a whole two hours without a stop.
An hour and a half into the trip, our second stop came after ten minutes of contorting our arms around the back of the front passenger seat to pacify Jack. We first tried giving him his nookie, and although one of Jack's only duties in his young life is to keep his nookie in, he wasn't up to the challenge. Next, we tried holding the nookie in while simultaneously covering his eyes. Sometimes this helps. Nope. Finally, we resorted to trying to deceive him with the ol' suck-on-the-pinky trick to see if that would help. Again, no.
With wide-open arms, the Augusta Area Senior Citizen Center welcomed us to its deserted parking lot. Bucky got a juice box and we found out that Jack really hadn't been hungry—he just wanted some face time. We topped him off anyway. (Thank you, patient wife.) In the meantime, Bucky and I helped ourselves to some of the recreational facilities. Apparently there are some very spritely seniors from the Augusta area as we visited the swings, the merry-go-round, the 10-ft slide, the wooden jungle gym, and the full basketball court. We didn't happen across any seniors yelling "Bonzai!" as they went down the slide, but given the nature of these very able-bodies seniors they were probably out water-skiing or windsurfing on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. After Bucky climbed up and down to the fifth rung of the slide several times and after he enjoyed watching me meet his demands of going down the slide several times myself, we got back in the car to drive the remaining two and a half hours.
Thinking Jack may fall asleep with a topped-off belly, we made him a little blanket-tent over his car seat to provide a dark place, hoping it would aid his journey off to sleep. He allowed this hobbit hole for about forty minutes and then started complaining that he didn't like viewing the stripes of the blanket vertically and preferred that we make them horizontal. So again we tried nookie, eye covering, pinky. No again.
Welcome to the Black River Falls Rest Stop. We've long frequented this rest stop on our way to and from the cabin as it's provided the half way point and a good place to switch drivers. We made the most of this stop and brought out some left over goodies from the cooler to enjoy at a picnic table. With some heavy rocking of the car seat and some furious munching of pretzels with peanut butter, we started to see Jack close his eyes.
"Pee in the grass!" A trick Bucky learned from his cousin. I'm fond of this trick too, just not at a rest stop. "Do you need to poop or pee?" "Both." "Okay. You can just use your diaper this time." "Use the potty." Finally, we're getting somewhere with potty training! "Okay, let's go to the potty." I grabbed the potty seat and off we went to use the fine establishment of the men's rest stop toilet with my toddler.I swung back the door of the first stall and to my amazement it looked fairly clean, meaning there weren't any left-overs. Shoes off. Pants off. No feet touching the floor. Diaper off. Place potty. Sit on potty. So far so good. As things got going someone initiated the launch sequence of the Xcelerator Hand Dryer. Coupled with the all-brick interior it sounded near enough to standing by a small plane engine. Bucky's hands flew to his ears. I quickly thought to make this a fun thing. I covered my ears too and laughed and smiled. This distraction worked once.
We actually got some good bonding time together and had the whole place to ourselves for a short moment. As we were seeing a man about a horse, Bucky reached down to brace himself by grabbing the sides of the toilet bowl. "No no no no no! Put your hands on your knees." He followed my orders like a champ, but as he leaned forward to grab his knees the toilet's motion sensor went off and the toilet flushed violently beneath him, threatening to suck him in. "What's happening?!" as he lurched up and wrapped his fingers under the seat. "No, on your knees. Don't touch the toilet." Two seconds later "Here?" And there were his hands touching the most foul spot of all; the rim right between the cut out of the seat. "NO! ON YOUR KNEES!" Cue the Xcelerator! Cue the toilet! Cue Bucky's germ-ridden hands cupping his ears and face as hard as he could! "I no like it anymore! All done!"
We then washed our hands for two rounds of singing "ABC's". We did not use the Xcelerator. As we passed by the over-confident woman that looked at me as though I was in the wrong bathroom, I thought "Hey lady! Don't look at me. Look at those urinals to your left." I also thought what kind of torture that must have been for a 2.5yo. He was promptly rewarded with another juice box and a diaper wipe to his face. With Jack fast asleep (or so we thought) we now only had an hour and a half left. We can do this!
Twenty minutes later, Jack's screams let us know that Exit 85 would be a perfect get-away. We secretly knew that he wanted a peek at the gentlemen's club, Cruisin Chubby's. (Really?) Although we briefly contemplated stopping there to nurse Jack, we opted for a back entrance at a family campground across the street. Here again, Bucky and I made the most of our new domain and made up a splendid game of run and touch. Here are the rules if you want to play yourself. Run to that object. Touch it. Run back. That tree had never experienced so much love.
Back in the car, but only for 35 minutes. Good thing, too. I was getting cooped up. With a shortage of places to pull off, we opted for a field road. I will say that being forced to stop and see new places can be a good thing. There are so many views that we will miss and never be able to see, and the view from this small Wisconsin country road was amazing. A beautiful mix of hill and valley. The clouds were sharply outlined by the brilliant hazeless blue sky. The intermittent breeze played the grass meadow around us. Even the solitary oak that stood alone before us had a great majesty to it.
"Pee in the grass!" This time Bucky actually got to try it out. Although I'm not sure if it was successful or not. While Christy attended to nature boy, I was trying to get Jack to sleep by emulating the viking ship at the amusement park. Starting with some very high centripetal force and slowly working down to carousel excitement, I got him to sleep. I gave Christy the thumbs up, Bucky got his pants back on, and the last 30 minutes were within reach.
Our little thrill seeker missed his carnival rides immediately, but this close to home we were not stopping. Down went our windows and up went the music. Bucky was in a dancing mood so we turned on some hip-hop. The one rule Dancing Bucky enforces is that you must dance too, and you must dance as he requests. "Faster Mommy and Daddy!" Oh how I could have wished to be another driver passing by. To look out and see a young family of four, the toddler looking amazingly cute, the mother getting her stunningly good driving moves on, a baby bellering at the top of his lungs, and the father mashed up against the dash because of the car seat behind him, flailing his limbs like he may have lost voluntary control of them. Amazingly enough, Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" seemed to calm Jack down a bit. Perhaps a substitution for not being able to visit Crusin' Chubby's.
Five stops and six hours later, our trip was complete. We had made it home. All the blues that I felt just so recently were gone and washed away, along with the much needed rest we had received. The cabin had felt forever ago and in a very distant place.
Within fifteen minutes of being home, Jack was also in a very distant place. He fell asleep and stayed asleep for six hours.
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Stay-at-Home Dad, stay at home dad, SAHD
Wow! In the time it took me to read this post, I laughed and cried.
ReplyDeleteThink about the book Marshall.
Love G-Ma the 2nd